the past few months, i have gone from everything in my life being a complete mess to it seem like everything has it reason and place. I was so depressed, i was so axenious that I couldn't move. getting out of bed was a task, allowing myself to make any art seemed impossible. i felt like everything in my life was this huge pile of shit that i couldn't bring myself to even think of trying to sift through and clean. now slowly i have been realizing more and more that all that shit was worth it. because now.. i was lead to the people in my life who truly will unconditionally love me. and that i am where i am for a reason. everyone has there rough spots. there is no doubt about that. we live in regret and in wonder about what if i did this? or this? but if i did any of these things, i wouldn't be anywhere close to where i am today. maybe i wouldn't have met the people i have, or my life wouldn't have came together the way it is. ik there is more shit to come, i know that the bad things in my life will continue to grow and change and challenge me. but after such a long time of forgetting that these things i am "blessed" to have create my messes, also are there to lead me to the things and people in my life who i'm supposed to know, and who are supposed to make an impact on me. I am in the place i am for a reason. for something. sometimes all you need is to wait for the reason why you are giving these bad things. and sometimes you can realize, they weren't really bad. or that they were just leading you to something or someone, good.